One year of the Bill Simmons Podcast. 148 episodes transcribed, every time he says irony, ironic, or ironically pulled out and checked against what the word actually means. Here is how Bill did across 107 of his own usages, for the 2025-26 season.
…Of the time. For the calls clear enough to judge, only a third are real situational irony — instances with a genuine gap between what you would expect and what actually happens. The other two thirds are coincidence, or things playing out exactly the way you would predict.
If using "ironically" correctly were a free throw, a 32% season would be the worst by any qualified shooter in NBA history. It would edge out Ben Wallace's record-low 33.6%, set in 2000-01.
Every Bill usage falls into one of two camps. He either nailed a real contrast, or he did not. The two ways he misses look different, but both are wrong.
The misses are lopsided. Coincidence is almost the whole story. Bill reaches for "ironically" to flag that two things lined up: the same name comes up twice, a sponsor he just used, a score he is reading off, a player who is also on his fantasy team. Nothing flips, so nothing is ironic.
The clearest sign of whether Bill is about to get it right or not is how he phrases it. When he stops and says "the irony of" or "the irony is," he has to name a subject and commit to a contrast, and he usually finds one. The bare "ironically," dropped mid-sentence, is where it falls apart.
Right usages go up in green, wrong ones go down in red. The summer was a wipeout, zero right calls from June through August. He tightened up in the winter, then slid back once the playoffs gave him a hundred things to react to in real time. Is Bill a playoff dropper?
One example of each call, the times he got it right and the times he got it wrong. These are the ones coach will highlight immediately in a film session. Textbook, good or bad.
"…the irony of one of the 10 best point guards ever, Jason Kidd, discounting the value of a point guard for three weeks."
One of the greatest point guards who ever lived, and as a coach he spent three weeks running an offense that treats the position as optional. The contrast is right there.
"…keep praising the bubble title … an ironic 'the best title anyone's ever won.'"
A bit for needling a Lakers fan: praise the 2020 bubble title as the greatest ever while meaning the opposite. The only verbal irony all year.
"Uber Eats is here to deliver it to you all season long … ironically I got Uber Eats two hours ago."
He ordered Uber Eats a couple hours before reading the Uber Eats ad. Nothing flipped. It just happened. The miss in its simplest form.
"…the irony of the Rams special teams murdering them in a game, this was the problem with their whole season."
The story going exactly the way everyone expected, not a twist. The Achilles' heel being their Achilles' heel piece.
Bill's dad came on the show a few times this year. He reached for the word three times. He missed all three.
"the irony is, yeah, we've been in 12 Super Bowls. We've lost half of them."
Across three tries he went the same direction Bill does, reaching for "irony" when he means "wild" or "funny enough." Apple, meet tree.
Because you tell a guy. I'm not going to let my boy walk up to the cute girl at the bar with a giant booger hanging out of his nose. I'm just not!